I help couples restore trust and improve communication, heal rifts and move forward. Work through challenging times to create new shared values and beliefs.

With families, generating the space for healing each other and appreciating their different perspectives and needs.  Enabling parents to understand their children’s needs in a rapidly changing world.

I help young people to be heard and understood and give them the tools they need to find their way.

Nicola Platts

All couples fall-out or disagree from time to time, and it’s an important part of your unique relationship toolkit to be able to figure out how to resolve minor disagreements before they can develop into something more serious. The language patterns we use in such times are powerful. For example, maybe you feel your partner fails to treat certain subjects with the importance you feel they merit. This can quickly lead to frustration and the feeling that the two of you are speaking different languages. In a sense you are, but you can’t hear it. Instead, it is easier to attribute the minor breakdown to a behaviour flaw, barbed with an accusation like “you always take your mothers part, you never side with me.”

It’s not everyone’s preference to go on the attack at such times. It’s just as effective (ie. hardly effective at all) to withdraw or say nothing at all (the famous silent treatment). This is easily justified; if you are never listened to anyway what it’s the point of your continual striving to make yourself heard? You may choose to keep quiet to avoid the row. Before long though you find yourself at it again in an endless cycle of never resolving bickering, ignoring or even avoiding each other. From here it is much easier to lose trust in your partner and to begin wondering what they are doing? If you’ve never developed the tools, it is much more difficult to admit that you are not being as honest as you should be. You may question what has happened to your intimate relationship, not just sexual but touching, kissing and holding hands? You may find yourself mourning loss of intimacy without understanding the causes or the blame.

It is at such times that couples may finally, even reluctantly sometimes search out the help of relationship counsellor, a professional trained to intercede in the routine or habitual dialogue that is failing to give you the communication outcomes you need. Approached with an open mind you can discover how to achieve and maintain a better balance within your relationship talk, creating a safe space for frank and honest exchange, without the fear of escalation and argument. You can learn to accommodate and even embrace your differences, rebuilding trust and working towards a happier, more connected relationship. Most fundamentally, you can learn to communicate more effectively, speaking, listening and reflecting. You can agree, define and complete your unique relationship toolkit, the lack of which may have caused you so much harm.